An Interpersonal conflict situation

Conflict is a part of almost every interpersonal relationship. When conflict occurs, the relationship may be weakened or strengthened. Thus, conflict is a critical event in the process of a relationship. Occasionally, we may not be aware of how our own behavior contributes to interpersonal problems.

Below is an interpersonal conflict situation I have experienced. Last December, I coordinated an Officer Basic Training Course at the Police Academy, for trainees from NUS and NTU, joining the National Police Cadet Corps as a CCA. As the overall coordinator for the course, I was assisted by two assistant coordinators from NTU, Andy and John (not their actual names), together with a committee of officers. Both Andy and John were my batch mates when we underwent the similar course a year ago. Going through tough times together had strengthened the friendships among the three of us. I thought this would give our partnership an edge but it turned out differently from what I had thought. At the initial stage, we drafted out proposals for the course. Andy and I presented nearly similar objectives and programme proposal. John turned out to a bad worker as he failed to prepare the draft. I decided to grant him more time since we were ahead of schedule. Furthermore, he promised that he had more updated and effective plans.

A month later, John did not submit his proposal as agreed. Andy contacted John to ask him if he required any additional help. Not only did he decline, he insisted that his ideas were brilliant and hence needed more time. Wanting to maximize the interests of the course by garnering the best proposals, I decided to give him an extension until the next meeting. At the next meeting, John failed to present his “ideal” proposal yet he had the cheek to refute our programmes. This time round, we were close to the submission date of the proposals for final vetting. Therefore, I called for an emergency meeting to finalize the previous proposal that I had previously endorsed upon, despite John’s strong protest. In order to pacify John and display fairness, I called upon a vote within the committee. The results were one-sided against John. He immediately flared up and accused us of being in cahoots. Andy attempted to rectify the misunderstanding but to no avail. As the coordinator of the course, I proceeded with the plans objectively and continued carrying out the course. After this incident, my relationship with John soured and our eyes no longer met.

(above picture from the graduation ceremony: Andy, John, myself)

First Post - Effective Communication Skills

Communications has always been an essential part and parcel of our life, especially as we enter the revolutionary techno-age. However, not everyone has mastered the art of communicating effectively with the people interacting in their daily lives. It is not unusual to witness instances in this rapid modernizing society, where people misinterpret or misunderstand information circulating around.

Even in the simplest unit of community, communication between parents and children, teachers and students, retailers and consumers, superiors and subordinates, are important building blocks in maintaining cordial relationships in the society. For example, there is an increasing inter-generation gap between family members living together in recent years. The advancement in technology and fast-paced society, during which more people are glued to their laptops in offices or schools, is often blamed for this breakdown gap of communication, leading to further undesirable social problems.

In my opinion, fields of communication may be classified into five main categories; namely Intrapersonal, Interpersonal, Intercultural, Organizational/Media and Non-verbal. These categories does not necessary stand alone, with scenarios sometimes overlapping with each other in reality. Thus, it is vital to learn and understand all the above factors on how to communicate effectively with the surrounding people in various environments at appropriate timings. This would inevitably avoid certain conflicts and enhances stronger bonds between both parties.

To briefly sum up the points, effective communication skills are useful tools to better equip individuals in establishing new or existing better relationship with their peers or managers and most importantly, closer family ties. Below is a favorite quote of mine, which summarizes the importance and understanding of communication.

“To effectively communicate, we must realize that we are all different in the way we perceive the world and use this understanding as a guide to our communication with others.”

Anthony Robbins