Below is an interpersonal conflict situation I have experienced. Last December, I coordinated an Officer Basic Training Course at the Police Academy, for trainees from NUS and NTU, joining the National Police Cadet Corps as a CCA. As the overall coordinator for the course, I was assisted by two assistant coordinators from NTU, Andy and John (not their actual names), together with a committee of officers. Both Andy and John were my batch mates when we underwent the similar course a year ago. Going through tough times together had strengthened the friendships among the three of us. I thought this would give our partnership an edge but it turned out differently from what I had thought. At the initial stage, we drafted out proposals for the course. Andy and I presented nearly similar objectives and programme proposal. John turned out to a bad worker as he failed to prepare the draft. I decided to grant him more time since we were ahead of schedule. Furthermore, he promised that he had more updated and effective plans.
A month later, John did not submit his proposal as agreed. Andy contacted John to ask him if he required any additional help. Not only did he decline, he insisted that his ideas were brilliant and hence needed more time. Wanting to maximize the interests of the course by garnering the best proposals, I decided to give him an extension until the next meeting. At the next meeting, John failed to present his “ideal” proposal yet he had the cheek to refute our programmes. This time round, we were close to the submission date of the proposals for final vetting. Therefore, I called for an emergency meeting to finalize the previous proposal that I had previously endorsed upon, despite John’s strong protest. In order to pacify John and display fairness, I called upon a vote within the committee. The results were one-sided against John. He immediately flared up and accused us of being in cahoots. Andy attempted to rectify the misunderstanding but to no avail. As the coordinator of the course, I proceeded with the plans objectively and continued carrying out the course. After this incident, my relationship with John soured and our eyes no longer met.
(above picture from the graduation ceremony: Andy, John, myself)
6 comments:
I don't know... in retrospect there could be other ways to handle this situation?
I think you tended to accomodate John too much on account of your friendship, and he was leveraging heavily on this to get you to compromise on the deadline.
A conditional agreement with John might have helped. For instance "If you do not show any evidence of your proposal by the meeting on (date), then do you agree to work on improving this proposal which Andy and I are working on and not mention your proposal any more?"
Considering that John may have poor time management, perhaps timely reminders in advance of meetings would have helped to work continuously?
You may also wish to consider expressing interest in his proposal. In asking for elaboration, you can get an idea of the practicality of his proposal. At the same time, you can see how similar his proposal is to yours.
Regarding how to salvage the situation...
Try continuing to treat John cordially? If you cannot show outright friendship, then at least show basic respect, even though he may still treat you as his enemy. You cannot control the actions of others, but you can control your own actions.
Find or create an opportunity to talk about this incident with John privately when he has calmed down? Express your regret that this incident had affected your friendship with him and that you still seek his friendship.
Show him through actions that you are still willing to accept him as a friend despite this incident? Such as keeping him informed about events and opportunities, remaining ready to offer him your help... Actions speak louder than words...
Easier said than done though... :P
Wah, Jiahao...I totally understand your anger if you had any. I've been through similar situations whereby essentially this particular person will think that his ideas are great. Yet, either he does not produce anything within the stipulated time or produces something half-backed.
My take on this kind of problem requires you to do something that this course does not enshrine. That is to become someone that lacks EQ or switching off any other interpersonal skills. Seriously, you have given the guy ample time and adequate briefing, if he does not comply it would be wiser to not let him destroy all your hardwork till far. I'm feeling Brad is shaking his head on my opinion already. I know its rather self-centered to make this kind of decisions but its necessary. As the cliche saying goes "Don't let a rotting apple spoil the whole basket of fruits" is rather apt here.
Business is business, friends can come later.
To some extent, I do agree with Thomas, not to let John destroy all your hard work.
Being the chairperson, or the person in charged, you have to ensure things are running smoothly and on time. After all, you'll need to answer not only to your supervisor, but also those who are working in the committee with you. When it gets to serious matter, some things are not to be comprised.
I guess next time, when you have to work with him again, you can try pestering him, or giving him constant reminders even before the deadline, to ensure that he is doing something. At least in the next meeting, you can have something to discuss about.
By the way, did you try talking to him after the course?
Hey Jiahao,
I guess your actions of proceeding with your proposed plan is the best choice at the point of time. Having to carry the role of the coordinator is not an easy job as you have to answer and be responsible of your action to your supervisor,your committee members and not forgetting yourself.
I do agree with Xiaotong and Thomas on the take of not letting John to "destroy all your hard work". Your scenario is probably unfortunate.
However, John may undergo some problems before being assigned the job to coordinate the officer basic training course. He might be facing some problems that is unknowing to you. Perhaps, you would like to find out from him some other time if you do get a chance to meet him again?
PS: Sorry for deleting the earlier post. I realise I have addressed you as Thomas. Apologies for that.
Regards,
Danny.
This is a very interesting (and revealing) problem scenario, and you've done an excellent job describing it in a concise manner. The only thing missing is the final question...but that hasn't stopped your classmates from giving fine feedback.
Thanks for the effort, Jiahao!
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